Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Better start getting ready for Professor Jones' seminar

Re: Professor Jones

Dear Seminar Chair:

Below is a rider containing provisions to assure you of a smooth and professional seminar presentation by Professor F.M. Jones. All provisions are spelled out in great detail in order to prevent any misunderstandings and to present to your students and faculty the finest in contemporary chemistry seminars.

Any immediate questions can be answered by calling Jones Group Productions at (302) 313-6257.

All provisions must be adhered to strictly. Please feel free to contact us at any time should there be any questions.

Looking forward to a successful visit.

Sincerely,

Sharon Schaps, Group Secretary

With apologies to Edward Lodewijk Van Halen

12 comments:

  1. Professor Jones will be happy to evaluate up to three female escort services majors after the seminar.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Tri Delts have their own major?

      Delete
  2. The Iron ChemistJuly 12, 2017 at 8:47 AM

    A bowl of M&Ms with all the brown ones removed?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They later admitted that the brown M&M thing was a test. If the bowl had any brown M&M's, it was a sign that the folks at the venue hadn't read the instructions carefully and couldn't be trusted on the important items that were in there.

      Delete
    2. The Iron ChemistJuly 12, 2017 at 3:35 PM

      The Foo Fighters demand fresh underwear, presumably for the same reason. Or maybe because they thought it'd be funny.

      Delete
  3. Google Jack White's rider from OU a few years ago; it included a recipe on how to make guacamole.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Man, I thought I already had enough reasons to dislike that guy.

      Delete
    2. The Iron ChemistJuly 13, 2017 at 8:50 AM

      To be fair, that guacamole sounds really good.

      Delete
    3. Raw yellow onion? Make it red and I'll start listening.

      Delete
  4. IIRC, Iggy Pop circulated a rider with explanatory notes for all of the requests. A lot of them started to make sense after reading the explanations.

    But I love Prof. Jones' request for an illegal-to-sell-in-US laser pointer.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Reminds me of Al Jourgensen and his mandatory case of Coronas. If you see Ministry live, you might think the fence in front of the stage is to protect the band. It's actually to protect the audience.

    http://www.prefixmag.com/news/club-promoter-leaks-all-of-ministrys-music-as-reve/52366/

    ReplyDelete
  6. Well, he is a Jackass editor, so you've got to treat him well. Although I think the last time I saw Jones give a talk at an ACS meeting, only about 50-70 people showed up. That was before he became an editor though.

    ReplyDelete